Thursday, November 19, 2009

Keep Moving Forward

This week has been hard. It has probably been one of the hardest weeks of my life. The emotions, struggles, fights, depression, stress and more has really broke me this week, starting with some pipes breaking at 3am on Sunday morning. My spirit was lost this week and I'm not really sure why some of the things hit me so hard, but my computer crashing, being yelled at and being told how my family should live our lives by a former friend, having to do repairs on the house, money struggles, feeling like we need to move, and just feeling like I couldn't take it anymore. And I kind of crashed. I could feel the depression just fill my soul and it hurt. I haven't been a good mom or wife this week. I haven't been happy and I know the long nights where I couldn't sleep and then the complete drain of all my energy made it so I couldn't get up in the morning either. I know I have so so so many blessings and things to be grateful for - but it was so hard to see it this week. I just really struggled.

Yesterday I was watching Meet the Robinsons with my kids and I was really struck with the KEEP MOVING FORWARD motto. We make mistakes, life is hard, but we can keep moving forward step by step. We just have to do the very best we can. I struggle so much with letting go and accepting Heavenly Father's help - giving my struggles over to him and so he can carry me. I'm slowly learning that it is the only way we can truly be happy. So this is me - letting go. This is me doing the very best I can and I know that Heavenly Father will do the rest.

Tonight was a turning point. I fed the kids and got them into their pajamas a little early tonight. Joey brought his brother over to watch the kids and we went out. We don't go on dates very often and even though money is a bit short right now - we needed it. Joey surprised me by first taking me to Simply Mac to pick up my computer! I didn't know it was done and we were also surprised to find out that they fixed it for FREE. I still don't know why it was free (we don't have a warranty on it) - but it was a huge blessing. I didn't lose anything and my computer is working fine - I'm typing on it right now. After having just one more little panic attack - I was able to enjoy the evening. (Sorry honey - I didn't mean to start the night out like that.) We went to Olive Garden for my favorite Chicken Alfredo and then we went to Time Travelers Wife at the dollar theatres. Joey and I both really enjoyed the book and so it was fun to see the movie too. It felt good to cry over something besides my own problems! :)

And as just one more additional bonus of the day - I'm going to the 3:30am showing of Twilight: New Moon. This book series has been a guilty pleasure of mine and I really didn't expect to go to it on opening night - but its just one of those evenings where I just want a little more time to myself. Joey isn't interested in it at all - so he'll stay home and watch over our sleeping kids and I'll just go out and spend a couple of hours and let myself over to the Twilight story for a little while. Yes, its crazy to go to a movie at 3:30 in the morning - but I've been crazy inside all week and I think doing something a little crazy will be good for me. I'm going to be tired tomorrow and I know there is so much I am going to need to catch up on now that I have my computer back, but I'm just going to give myself a break. Because we can all use a break every once in a while.

I'm going to KEEP MOVING FORWARD.....

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10 comments :

Breeoxd said...

oh dede, enjoy the movie! I had a very hard time like that about a year ago, it lasted for like 8 months and i just could not get going forward at all. Cried all the time. But you know what? One day i just woke up and realized ( like you did) that all I can do is try my best and keep on plodding. Life doesnt wait for us ( darn life lol) so just keep your chin up, enjoy what little things you have and it will all work out eventually!

Toucan Scraps said...

I'm glad you got to go on a date with Joey and your computer is f=wroking again for free.

Be easy, take a break if you need one and don't feel guilty about it

Sharon aka Scrapcat4914 said...

HUG GIANT HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That saying is so true & things same to bother me more now than they did before Don's death now I go by "One Day at a Time!!!!!!!"
And of course I've gone thru the change of life so dosen't help!!!!!!!!!
I'm keeping you in my prayers Sweety!!!!!!!!
MORE HUGE GIANT HUGS

Sharon Kay said...

{{{{DeDe}}}} what a week! You poor thing ... that is a lot to fall on your shoulders at one time! I am glad that your dh took you out...and that you went to see the movie this morning...hope you enjoyed it!

Ajila said...

DeDe, sorry that you had a rough week. I'm glad that you were able to do some things that helped ease the stress. You deserve it. Your a very hard working mother and wife. Not to mention a great designer. You have so many talents.

We are getting ready to make a major move and we are short on funds. Trying to sell stuff, deciding what to keep. Every day is up and down.

We must have watched meet the Robinsons on the same night. *LOL*. It was a cute movie.
So we'll both keep moving foward.
Leaving you some love.

Photographing Mom said...

Hope things continue to look better and GREAT words about giving ourselves a break. It is so important!

Anonymous said...

Dee... Everyone deserves to have their own pity-party once in a while. While we each have some things to be thankful for, we're allowed to have our "moments", too. Just as long as we get back on track in the not-too-distant future!!! And it sounds like you did just that! Good for you!

MamaB said...

(((hugs)))

Keelianderson said...

Hope you're feeling better now! Thinking of you!
Hugs from a Montana. PS. I really enjoy your blog.

Ginger said...

I'm glad you're feeling better and I hope you enjoyed New Moon as much as I did!